Thanks...

There are times when I am tired and have very little patience and I wish the girls' mom would get her shit together. Why isn't she doing the work to get her kids back? I am more than twice her age; if I sometimes lose my cool, how does she do it? I love the girls, but sometimes I am overwhelmed. I am not perfect. I read as much as I can and try negotiating the world of a 2 year old. It's like living with a barely verbal bi-polar person. I miss my old life at times. I think there would be something wrong with me if I thought parenting young kids would be easy.

Challenge

When I am having a particularly hard time with my 2 year old foster kid, I remind myself that when she was born her mom was 15 years old. She was raised by a teenager, and some of her behaviors are purely for survival. Other times she is challenging because she is 2. She doesn't challenge my husband like she challenges me, but her relationship with men is really a new thing. She was fearful of men when she first moved in, but now she adores my husband. If the kids go back to mom, I know that we have given her many gifts. Having a positive male role model has been priceless.

Little luxuries

A daily shower, Raffi, adequate sleep, happy dogs, holding hands with my husband, phone calls with my mum, and did I mention adequate sleep?

Facts

"Six of every 1,000 children -- 1,654 -- were in state custody in 2012. That’s the highest number since 2002, when the rate was 9.6 children per 1,000. The rate decreased steadily every year through 2011, when just 4.8 of every 1,000 children were in state custody."

 Source: 2013 Kids Count Profile of Maine

They attribute the increase to the rise of bath salts and other drug use.

Our day(s)

What does a day in our life look like?

Every day is different but in many ways the same. The kids are up for the day around 5 a.m. The baby is up multiple times per night for a feed, but the 2 year old generally sleeps through the night. We have breakfast, bathe and are out the door a little after 7. I work 40 plus hours a week, my husband 48 plus hours, depending upon his overtime. Some days I am alone 24 plus hours with the kids, 2 dogs and 2 cats. Twice a week our 10 1/2 month old and her 2 year old sister visit their mom. My husband and I take turns with these visits. I am so grateful for that. On Tuesdays the visits are from 9-10:30, and on Fridays they are from 12:30 to 2. When he is working I work around the visits with great support from my work. When I take the kids on their Tuesday visit, I take them to work with me, drop them off to their visit, pick them up from their visit and then take them to daycare. 

Daycare is fantastic. The kids attend 5 days a week and our carer is nurturing and wonderful with the girls. The downside to daycare is how quickly the kids get sick. It passes through like wildfire, so in addition to the weekly visits we have had to visit the doctor a few times. I have to notify the birth mom every time I take the kids for a doctor's visit as a part of our participation in the reunification plan.

Do I like visits with mom?

Visits with mom are complex since instead of doing the work she needs to do to get her children back, she has spent most of her time creating drama for us, accusing us of withholding information, and neglect and abuse.The visits usually end with mom pulling some passive aggressive move, some sniping comments or plying the 2 year old with open containers of food (something we asked her not to do).

I hate the visits.

Nighttime consists of dinner for kids, feeding the animals, sometimes a bath, and then the baby to bed first. That leaves time for play, stories and bed for the 2 year old, and then L and I try to sit down and have dinner. There are bottles to be made and packed, bag for daycare to be packed, and I try to be in bed by 9 so that I can get a few hours of sleep before the baby wakes.

Every day is an exhausting whirl. Some days we are incredibly tired, but incredibly happy. Our lives have changed for sure, and the future is uncertain. We could be back to where we were on April 28th, or we could be a new family.