Our plans

The plan:
1. Finish some house projects.
2. Heal.
3. Become a couple again.
4. Attempt to foster/adopt again.

These are our immediate plans. I wax and wane on my feelings about being a parent. At times I feel renewed, and other times I experience that drowning feeling when I was a foster parent: utterly helpless to what was happening before me. Maybe I just suck at this parenting thing. I found myself saying things and acting the way my father did, and I didn't like that. I felt like I had reactive detachment disorder. I couldn't help but feel that our foster son's attachment to us equaled ours to him. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

It makes me feel sad, and guilty, and selfish.