In this state there is only one agency to work with for foster/adoption (other than going through a costly, private agency to adopt infants domestically or foreign). It is a state run program. It's a small state, in many ways. This agency approved our home study and licensed us, even though not all the work to our home required was completed. Several months later we met and were placed with a child who was older and had never had a successful placement with a family. He was living at a residential facility less than a mile from our house. We have come to realize that it was far cheaper to place him with us than to continue to pay an institution to do so. They were upfront with this but not with other things. We were inexperienced and excited. We thought we could help him. We didn't know what questions to ask.
He lived with us for almost 2 years. He definitely had some attachment issues, but even worse was that we were completely unattached to him. His behavior was at times typical teen, and at other times completely bizarre. He began running away about a month before he finally left. The first time he ran away his caseworker had weekend plans and so our team meeting had to wait 5 days while the kiddo came and went and acted like nothing had happened. The second time he left he was foaming at the mouth in the street, screaming obscenities at my husband, thumping his chest.
Was I a good parent? Were we good at parenting together? Was I perfect? Did I do everything I could to help him? Will he be okay? Are we capable to care for a child with special needs? All good questions that I have grappled with inside, and with my husband. My marriage was severely tested over the last 2 years, living with a foster child and through my mom's health issues. In many ways I value the health of my marriage far more than the possibility of being placed with a child who puts the health of my marriage at risk. But don't all parents ask themselves questions like these, and struggle with their answers?
For now we are working on our house, our marriage and continue to live life.
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